P r i s m a

Now that rant is Over..

2009-11-01T23:11:07Z

I Loooooooove ♥ Glee so much ♥

Yesterday sucked RANT

2009-11-01T23:07:52Z

1- Yesterday sucked.

Going to that Con, alone, with that weather sucked. I love rain. But I love it more when I am in my house.

Not many people showed up. Which is not that big of a surprise:

1- the weather
2- It was Halloween, so there were so many more and cooler places to go.

We, my family and I, were going to see some relatives today, but beacuse of the weather we stayed in.

Personally, I didn't mind it. I got 5 hours of sleep, yesterday, and so many hours of not having someone to talk with after that. And a creepy friend of a friend, trying to act like a winner. Seriously, that guy, like I told his friend, really awakes in me the "Oh, I feel like kicking him in the middle so hard." feeling.

Hope next sathurday con gets better. In Vampire Wars -Facebook game- you can buy an extra clan member. I wonder if I can do that in real life xD. (Hey, you, I have 20 favor points, stay here while I go to the restroom and have something to eat)

BTW, ONLY LOSERS write walls in their schools. Seriously kids, the building, and the people cleaning it, have NO fault NOR interest in knowing your emails, who is a whore and stuff. And honestly neither do I.

I wish we hadn't signed in for that con. Or at least had some company. I was going to murder, simple murder two of the three members of the stand besides me.

I don't know how that girl stands her boyfriend and her friend. The two of them are what stops me of having a good and long conversation. They are so desperate for attention.

I do not like complaining. But seriously yesterday it sucked.

Is that... the monster?

2009-09-27T22:51:08Z

After several years of using Ludeshka's character name ♥ (Belial) I am thinking the posibility of using Dalie. (wich was created by playing with some letters from my first and second name).

May seem like something small but it is huge.

I still love Belial but Dalie... Well Dalie was created because I had to name a doll. And somehow Dalie wanted to be something more than just a toy.

I started using the name on other places such as FB and a new Fan fiction web. And there must be a reason of why I am using Dalie and not Belial as an identity (Oh, you'd think I'd know the reason before doing so).

I would say "it is a personality crisis" but since I am not screaming and running all over the place and my mind is 80% going for it, I think I will do it eventually.

kisses ♥

Devious Journal Entry ♥

2009-09-24T03:55:49Z

den lille havfrue by ~Beli on deviantART

...

2009-09-13T03:08:10Z

MSN won't work. Which is normal. We had always had issues and with Mercury being retrograded and all that, I don't expect communication to be all friendy and happy xD.

But I won't let Mercury get me, we are in virgo-month/ happy Month after all ♥.

Don't let the stars catch you! We are on Virgo/Viiiiiiiiirgo month <3

And feel sorry for them, Mercury is going to be a bit nasty with them, isn't it? Having your regent planet gone retrograde on you month birthday sound pretty fucked up.

Good thing I am a gemini girl! Though lately I have been feeling like "I want to feel like the sun *_* ", which is something Leo would do. Leo as in Fire. I do not have fire in me o.o. I am made of Air, a bit of water and a bit of Earth.

My Mars is in Piscis and that sounds like a joke.

Maybe I want to get so "air" that I can reach the sun?

I don't drink Alcohol. I don't like its taste, I don't like what it does to people but while reading what I am writing here I am feeling so "word drunk" . If that's exists.

I don't care, I don't mind. Tonight words are just dancing, running away or getting me.

Click Here. You know you want to!

byeeeeeeee ♥

sickle_girl @ 2009-09-06T20:13:00

2009-09-07T00:17:17Z

Let me look back to the last two-bussy-as-hell days o.o

Firday : Comic's Day. It was so niiiiiiice. The conferences were very-very inspiring.

Comic is indeed another way of telling a story. You use words and drawings and put them together to tell something. I am still so much more comfortable playing only with words buuuuuuut, there are stories that should be told as comics.

I came home with some lovely zines /must buy some more/ which I haven't had the time to read, yet T.T

Saturday: Woke up early to go to another Con. To tell you the truth I only opened "it" then I had to come home and make my room (look) habitable since my father's friends were coming. Tyding you room when the only thing you had eaten in the las 12 hours was two toats it is not as great as it sounds xD. But then dinner came and I ate a loooooooooot.

Today: Woke up late since my parents weren't home ^^. And had to clean yesterday's mess xDD. Took a bath, though while thinking in the next two things I want to do.

Which includes..:
1- Stories I published once with a comic adaptation
2- A series of mini comics
3- A very forgotten and love story comic xDD

Then, I sat down on the computer, opened my gmail accound and BAM!!

"Get ready for Mercury Retrograde"

Whyyyyyyyy? Oh whyyyyyyy? T_________________T

Tralalala

2009-08-16T03:26:39Z

I see you,
yes, I see you.
You are one of them, right?
Huh, how is it?
Oh, really, how interesting
So, everything in your life is dark?

No, no.
I am not laughing
Seriously,
I am not laughing (with you).

And it beats me,
cause it feels as if I shouldn't care
(or is it that I just don't care?)
Oh, come on.
Don't be so emotional about you.

And hey, you, honey.
Hey, you all.
Children of the night,
come and play along.
hear me singing
I am calling you
To take away your souls.

Ha, honey I am just kidding!
Haven't you ever heard (you are) a joke before?
Keep your sorrows on pretty jars
so you can have them forever and never move on.

Oh, it feels as If I don't care
cause really, I don't care.
Hear me laughing
and if you rather crying
be as dark as a shadow
Today I am the sun.

Hearts for Bullets

2009-07-03T20:51:31Z

And I still don't understand what it is so great about battles.

I've been reading Saint Seya the Lost Canvas (well, of course, I would fall in love with Alone/Aaron -whatever the right translation is-), and well, war really bothers me.

Fighting, hurting, violence. It is really not that fun (Ok, bokurano had battles, but that manga is excellent **). I'd take a love song any time I get to choose. Ohh, I watched Enchanted ♥.♥ last week.

Anyway, what I mean it is, I like peace, and everyone been happy without the need of hurting other peoples. I world of looooove, kind words (bye insults), good actions. People seem to feel so great with fighting (specially when they do it for Athena-sama), it is a way of letting energy out. But, hurting people, really? Does that make you happy?

Oh, I know, there is a reason (to save the world). Still, now that Michael Jackson's body no longer lives in this world (his mind was always somewhere else), I find myself singing Heal the world ^^

If you care enough for the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

Hey, honey. I have a problem with you (Communication)

2009-05-25T04:03:29Z

It's understable that when someone hurts your friend you want to just beat the life out of that person.

Because, really: Person who hurts your friend = not my favourite person in the world.

Now, if your friend is being attacked, shouldn't him/her be the one to face that person?

If he/her (let's just call it friend) is the one on the battle (love is a fucking battlefield,isn't), friend should go and say "Hey, honey. I have a problem with you."

You can never know every single reason of the fight, your friend could not tell you all, or maybe friend would not take something as a "reason of the fight".

Communication is hard. Really, we have so many words and we don't know how to use it properly. We let emotions interfere with them and poison our sentences.

You can really care for a friend, but if friend has a problem with someone, then friend should go and talk with that person. Friend tells you things, and in the end, friend drags you to a war which isn't yours. Of course, friend doesn't do it with the "oh, I find and alley to fight with, against teh EVIIIIIL ", friend doesn't seem to have an idea of the consecuenses about talking to you about someone else.

Maybe it is not your war. Even if you feel as if it were, it really isn't it.

If you have a problem with someone, you should go ahead and tell that person how do you feel. Specially if you care about the person you are having troubles with.

You have to tell him/her.

Because if you don't go and say what bothers you, there is no way in hell than the other one knows what is bothering you.

Even if you think he/she should know.

I want to fight

2009-05-19T17:43:11Z

Will do so, but today is a lazy day, I promise get better. Coz it's fuuuuuuuuuuun.

I want to hit with all teh lovee ♥

while listening to pretty music *.*

This world is like this

2009-03-27T03:13:21Z

Oh, I have to sketch -yes skeeeetch- my today comic page, not draw but sketch, it takes me a day to do a simple and not very good sketch but I am like this.

Today before going to sleep because tomorrow I have to tidy my room and won't have time o won't feel in the mood to sketch two pages.

Shame on me, but oh, well I am happy with the way I am and that's important. It tires me the way people keep complaining about things when they are the one who should change them.
and the whole "booo, you are so selfish because you think on yourself when you should think on me, ME, ME, MEEEEEEEEEE" routine is boring. Ok, you have to think about other's feeling, but they forget you have feelings yourself (but god FORGIVES you feel because they are the only ones who can feel), you have to make yourself happy because happyness is contagious and beautiful, then you can make others happy. But noooo, some people have to stay with the "how awful life is" and then they poison you with bad energy.

Hey, we all had our "Iwanttodie" moments, it happens, it's awful but if the only thing you can feel is sadness then you aren't sensitive at all.

So smileeeeeeee. Life isn't easy but well, we have to do something about it.

And keep deadlines easy to follow, just like me xD

Rant time was it? Who knows, I've found out I am in love with my inner demons, how couldn't I? they protect me from the evilness and all the damage they can cause it's done for my own good.

They love me ♥

Bussy

2009-03-12T01:02:21Z

I'm feeling like a completely into-the-stage- girl. We have a con this week and I there are so many things that
a) Have to do
b) Want to do
c) Both

a) Obteining favours. Lol, it sounds so wrong, but really it is just getting some things out of my parents by being a very good and suporting daughter. By the way, I have to iron a lot o.o. Like a loooooooot.

b)ilustrations, flyer for "don't let it be". Ilustrations, sketeched? sure. 2. ----- 1rst- thanks to Britney-Britney- / ---2- MURDER- Well, just because.
And I have two other ones plannes. It's a nice day for white wedding Mr. Idol, of course. *looks up* O.O Two saggies!!! Maybe Mr. Halo and Mr. Molko could do something too.

c) carton boxes to hang into wall to leave flyers. And printing poster to put above the boxes. All for teh sake of publicity.

Now, off to do more things xD

You should have seen it coming!

2009-02-14T23:15:34Z

Oh, I am sorry; I am not smiling at that. I smiling, because, well, you know, I just found it all quite silly.

And I can’t help but to laugh a bit, so I laugh of your voice, of your words, of all your hearts. I’m not trying to sound mean or bitter, so save yourself the “you only mock because you are alone” speech.

And I have no times for your absurd hypothesis, the ones you try to repeat so stubbornly so you can actually believe it and sleep well.

Honey, really, I thought I had warned you about not giving me any speeches.

I do believe in love, you see. I believe in it because it’s alive, because it has been here since the beginning and it will save us all the day this Earth dies.

I think love is beautiful. And there are beautiful was of showing it. But what you are doing is anything but beautiful.

You are making people desperate about nothing, you have them running from here to there, and you are making them spent money and time and feel proud about it. You are making people feel they can not be alone today.
So, the quitters have yet another reason to cry about and so many couples have to stay together because there is this spell you are putting them under. They still don’t feel it but can’t say it aloud. You have been contaminating the air since the beginning of the month, and well, that’s not beautiful. That’s not love.

Oh, yes, I saw them. The gifts, the candies (they are indeed cute and nice), some of them are lovely and yes, there is this certain person from who I’d love to receive them. Though I knew it wouldn’t happen.

But I am not complaining, you see. I’m smiling. I’m laughing.

We are moving now, because the Earth does so. And this planet is full of air and wind.

There are countries and different timetables. And yes, he is far, far away.

But he smiles to the air, he laughs, he complains, he breathes and lives. He is there, now. In the same time, in the same planet.

Inches, I say. How many, I don’t know but they are still inches. And an inch is not that far.

It doesn’t have to be today, because today is just a day. I love him everyday. I just love everyday.

You are pointing out that I am alone now, as if it meant you win something. It has to affect me now, right? Don’t hold your breathe.

Look, I am smiling now, and tomorrow I’ll smile as well.

sickle_girl @ 2008-12-01T15:28:00

2008-12-01T17:39:36Z

So, I finished it. 20th century boys and 21th century boys.

OH. GOD. Go and read it! That's all I can say. Pay attention, everything is important.

If you are expecting a summary I won't give it to you. Don't read summaries, just read the story.

Mr. Urasawa will earn your heart and then make it stop working. It is addictive. And named after T-Rex's song.

There are making a live action movie, I think. They should make a series and put everything in it.

http://www.onemanga.com/20th_Century_boys/

READ IT.

Thanks, so much thanks to Miss D. to tell me about the existence of it ♥

In other news, I have to start making "don't let it be for real". Yesterday I dreamed I was making pages o.o

My inconscience has a very conscience way of telling me things.

Time to work, I guess. I have millions of things to do, but of course I couldn't do it. I had to read Urasawa's work.

Monster (completed) 162 chaptters
Pluto (uncompleted) 55 chapter until now

Oh, and 20th Century Boys has 249 chapters and 21th Century boys only 16 (but of course, 21th century boys is the sequel to 20th.

Now, Off to see the work. Thanks to Miss. D. Again ♥

-must think about the secret leviathan request o.o-

Alive ^^ ...and tired T.T

2008-11-24T02:43:19Z

Well, I am breathing. Still alive and all that.
But this last week... o.o How is it Monday already?

I have to start with the new one-shot comic o.o. I have time now.

btw, wrong chart, may I say... But it makes all so much easier. I have to worried about only for waht I am doing, to make it great. Which is not so easy. Yet, we do LOVE what we do.

So great I did not jump to the rive and didn't play with the fishes xDD

You'll think... Oh, she is .. worse that we thought , but really it makes sense.

If you do understand, worry about your sanity.

PD: karaoke night rocked, completely. Laura no está xDD I should feel ashame, I didn't even drink alcohol, but well, it was fuuuuuuuuuuuuun!

Yo sólo no me bastó (?) Mr. Neck (Laura no está)
and Babasonicos... Le viene lo que hay (Los calientes)

Laura no está
Laura se fue
Laura se escapa de mi vida
y tú que si estás,
preguntas porqué
la amo a pesar de las heridas
lo ocupa todo su recuerdo
no consigo olvidar
el peso de su cuerpo
Laura no está
eso lo sé
y no la encontraré
en tu piel. Es enfermizo,
sabes que no quisiera
besarte a ti pensando en ella
esta noche inventaré una tregua
ya no quiero pensar más
contigo olvidaré su ausencia..

Y si te como a besos,
tal vez, la noche sea más corta,
no lo sé. Yo sólo no me basto,
quédate,y lléname su espacio,
quédate, quédate
Laura se fue, no dijo adiós
dejando rota mi pasión,
Laura quizá ya me olvidó
y otro rozó su corazón
y yo sólo se decir su nombre
no recuerdo ni siquiera el mío
quién me abrigará este frío

y si te como a besos, tal vez
la noche sea más corta,
no lo sé
yo sólo no me basto,
quédate
y lléname su espacio,
quédate, quédate.
Puede ser difícil para ti
pero no puedo olvidarla
creo que es lógico,
por más que yo intente escaparme...
ella está
unas horas jugaré a quererte
pero cuando vuelva a amanecer
me perderás para siempre

y si te como a besos sabrás
lo mucho que me duele
este dolor
no encontraré en tu abrazo el sabor
de los sueños que Laura me robó
si me enredo en tu cuerpo
sabrás
que sólo Laura es dueña
de mi amor no encontraré en tu abrazo
el sabor de los besos que Laura
me robó
me robó

the stars had faded away.

2008-11-20T02:04:43Z

These are the last battles.
I'm ending up hurt, I know
but the war is finishing
here comes the dawn, the darkness
I fight by sorrounder
tell me how many soldiers are down

But yet can I smile,
Pray for hope, one last time

hours are nothing but seconds
that I love to waste
and regret losing.

this is my way of fighting
at least, war will be over soon.

This is not the end of the world

2008-11-18T19:23:45Z

Fucking deadlines, and oh, so many things.
Where has the passion gone? Where has my love for making what I enjoy gone?
It is a moment, ok. I'll deal with it. I'll make it.
I can do it, but I am not doing it.
I can do it.
So I have to breathe, I guess.
It is not the end of the world.
Love songs, and love. Clear everything. Sleep later.

Just don't go and write random things. Concentrate, don't run.
It is not the end of the world.

Breathe. I need you alive.

-talking to my self-

I never know, I can never remember

2008-10-27T15:25:54Z

I never know, I can never remember

I don't even know how many times I had thought that worlds (in English always), and waht follows them is nothing.

Seven worlds, it had started millions of thought and leaded nowhere.

Sometimes I get the feeling that I really don't wnat to know, so I rather not rembember.

what wathever it is, it bothers me. Bad.

As if those seven words could drain all my energy, as if they were stealing something from me.

But then again, it seems as if I'll never know what is that "thing" exactly.

I fill my days with hyper songs and happy-go nicknames (BeatTheGloomAndShine -youtube user- ; yetshewantstoshine -gmail user) as if trying to make an statement and use it to scare ghosts.

But whatever it haunts me, it won't leave me alone until I'll find out.

It is really silly and it is true.

I never know, I can never remember

sometimes reality is a strange dream.

I miss my bed

2008-10-14T08:21:55Z

FIIIIIIIIIIIRST!

It is 5:06 A.M Right Now. I'm telling, so you know (why I am making less sense that I normally do). I'm giving my support to Xime, and trying not to fall sleep.

I'll have to go to the Printer Place (?) in a couple of hours and I hate that particular place (very stupid kind of male human being lives near...Saavedra is becoming the town of DOOOOOOM) but it could be worse.

I'd continued a very very very (three "very (s) since it had been more than three years since it begining) but despite my hiatus state, I felt very guilty for the readers, so well, I am doing it to win a place in Heaven, in case all that actually exists, you know.

Did I mention I want to go to sleep? Well, I'd tell you know.

I WANT TO GO TO SLEEP

Oh, well. I am listen to Shut me Up, by MSI. It'll be a matter of time before I replace the "I want to go to bed" mood for the · "I want to punch random old ladies" mood. But with good intentions! This song is full of live and love ^^

Byeeeeeeeeeeee!

Find out who you are before you regret it, Because life is so short, there's no time to waste it!

2008-10-12T02:09:07Z

Listen to Garbage! Lol

When, The Big Thrusday's presentation went quite well. Though of course, when the proffesor was talking me (about the project) my inner voice was repeating "you must pay attention" once and again, so often so loud that I couldn't hear the proffesor.

I am a very lucky person (No, I haven't won the lottery so don't jump over me calling me "your new best friend") but I just think I am lucky ^^

My life is quite well, it could be better but I am the one who has to make that possible. And I am feeling to lazy now. I've been chating with a girl from Spain this past two days. She added me on the msn, two years ago (when and because I wrote a Paradise Kiss fan ficiton) and then, on friday she recognized my msn pic (Mr. Vasquez, who else?) and we started talking about him ^^. Poor, poor Jhonen.

Ann is going to haaaaaaate me, but He IS a great man, lol. And besides, Ann knows how much I love her, so she shouldn't complain xD.

I have to do a lot of things, but I am calm and everything ^^ Or maybe I am just too tired. I never know.

Kisses and Love ♥

AND REMEMBER! GIVE THE WORLD A HUUUUUUGE HUG. IT NEEDS IT!

Big Day Tomorrow

2008-10-09T03:11:45Z

I have to present my little project of soup opera tomorrow and am I ready? F*ck, no! But I guess, I don't have that much of a choice.
I have to do soooooooo many things. Well, I don't have to, but I want to! I have to make the drawnings for the main characters and maybe some other kind of artistic and handmade... stuff. LOL.

I have troat sore! Yey! ¬¬ *note the sarcasm*

And tomorrow I'll have to talk for at least two hours before the entire class. But, oh , well.

All I have is Celeste u-u and lots of thing to be done.

That's all, kisses and Love ♥
(Oh, go, so goregous and intelligent)

Oh, we are in 2008

2008-10-01T01:06:34Z

So, I am back after only, what?... two years. Lol. Really, a few minutes ago when I logged in I was "Oh, last entry 2006". It hasn't been that long. Then I remembered that we are in 2008 and thought, that well. It has been, indeed, a while. But don't act as if you had missed me.

Oh, My stories? What stories? *reads* Oh, the the slash. I had missed it T.T. We all need our dose of gay-fiction but lots of thing had hapenned me (specially inside my head) beginning for losing my computer and not having back-up (If you think I have learnt from my mistakes, but noooooo. I have absolute no Back-Ups, only the things I had posted), following by bad -bad- decisions and theirs consequences.

But I am back now, and there is a chance I will finish my stories. But be patient! I am finishing my career this years and it all crazy. We all late, even [and specially] the profesors xD. You know, studying for Radio and Tv script writers seems as an easy thing, a funny thing but ends up giving you headaches. Which brings me to something very important to say: I am having the worst headache in my life T-T. And no, My head doesn't feels as if it goings to explode. Just the opposite. I think my skull is shrinking -.-.

This headache had made me dream the following: I get up from bed, walk to the kitchen, open the fridge and look for an aspirin. Really.

But pills had done nothing. Drugs just don't work on me. Lol.

And you might be wondering "how is this important?". Well, when you see on the news: Girl dies because his head was shrikning you can go and tell your friends that you knew it before and felt oh, so special.

I want to write. But have not time
I have to check and write but I don't feel like doing it.
I want to draw pieces of music.

I want to remember how does it feel not having a headache.

Kisses, hugs, love and Jhonen Vasquez...wait. Forget that! He's all mine xD.

PS: For those who don't knwo I am part of an indie self-punlishing group [Paganus] and we have a website. It is in spanish but can go and look for "Galeria" which means gallery and take a look at my friends/mates drawing. I am under the name of "Belial". Lol

www.paganusstudio.co.cc/

Toy Store

2006-12-14T01:52:24Z

Toy Store

Bob stands outside, as still as those porcelain dolls behind the glass, as alone as the old little cars covered by dust and forgetfulness in the shelves. It's Christmas time, but no child in the world will find these toys under the three. Bob knows because that's what the porcelain dolls are telling him; the toys are staying in their store - forever. It’s their home, their prison. The only place where they are allowed to be. Bob moves a little, stepping slightly closer to the showcase, almost touching the glass... almost. His blue eyes travel over the store, making sure not to miss any toy. He doesn’t want any of them to feel any more lonely than they already are. He feels sad, but can’t quite place the reason - it could be a number of things, maybe all of them and perhaps none - but it's weighing him down, an invisible heavy cloak or a long forgotten memory. It makes his skin burn, a sweet pain; and, really, it makes no sense because it is snowing.

He wants to cry but the tears remain behind his eyelids. He wants to close them but he is too afraid. He is breathing his own fear and sorrow.

The toy store disappears, turning into a music store which Frank is just exiting with a bag in his hand. He approaches Bob and kisses him softly on the forehead.

"Baby, you're freezing," he says, almost in a reproachful way. "You should had gone inside with me."

Bob remains quiet, his eyes pleading Frank not to delve more into the subject of why he didn't.

"Let’s go home," his boyfriend says, defeated. "I’ll make you some cocoa."

Frank grabs his hand, and Bob can feel his warmth even trough the tick gloves.
And they start walking, walking away. And Bob feels horribly guilty for abandoning his friends, for being the only one who got an owner (even if Frank doesn’t know anything about it). He feels guilty for abandoning them.
Mostly, though, Bob feels guilty for Frank. This loving boy deserves more than a broken toy from an old store, forgotten in the nothingness.
And Christmas time is in the air, the jingle of bells scaring Bob. The melody threatens to tell the truth, and it is persistent like the porcelain doll's eyes which had yelled to Bob "Why did you leave us behind?" in the saddest of ways.

The Story-Teller

2006-10-10T02:57:36Z

Chapter One

So, ok. It’s wrong, it’s disgusting and everything; but fuck, Bob likes it.

He's sitting in his room, glancing at the closed door every now and then because if he's caught - even if the only thing he is doing is reading something off the computer, alone in his own home - he is dead.

He is doing his best to keep his right hand on the mouse and the other one close to the "power" button of his computer, but down there both of his hands are much needed.

He is breathing hard, and his blond locks are wet with sweat. His eyes are glued to the screen, devouring every word he reads, savoring them.

He runs his tongue over his dry lips. And it is so wrong, so naughty and dirty. But he is turned on, turned on by gay fiction - he thinks it is called slash but who gives a fuck about the name when there are more important issues, like the fact that he's about as straight as a fucking circle.

Part of his mind, the one still working, blames the internet. A day ago, the thought of a gay porno story - though the story isn’t just porno and, to be fair, it is a great story, with a developed plot and characters and everything - hadn’t crossed his mind. Now, he is hooked by how descriptive the author is. Bob can feel what Adam and James feel, the sensation is almost tangible.

Adam nods, unavailable to form a sentence or say a word.

Bob bites his lip in anticipation.

Bob’s left hand is so tempted to go down.

Slowly, the distance between James’s mouth and Adam’s cock gets shorter.

Bob closes his eyes and lets out a sigh.

Adam’s tongue wraps over...

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

Bob jumps about eight feet in the air, hurriedly pressing the "power" button.

He can feel his face getting redder by the second, his head feeling as if it's on fire -along another part of his body.

His baby blue eyes travel around his room as if they've never seen it before.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

He stands up so quickly that the chair falls down, and leaves his room.

When he finally reached his flat’s door he thanks God for the oversized sweater he's wearign.

"Bob, darling? Are you there?" The person - who, judging by the voice, is Bob’s mother - standing outside asks, and Bob tries his best to remember how to open a door.

The first thing he sees when he succeeds in doing so, is bags. A lot of bags.

"I think I bought too much," his mother says with a giggle as Bob takes some of the bags.

"I hope I haven’t interrupted anything, but I couldn’t get my keys out of my pockets."

"No problem, mom." Bob assures her, smiling a little.

"I don’t know what I did to deserve such a good boy," she says happily while taking some bags to the kitchen.

Bob smile falls. He isn’t exactly a good boy.

----10---

"Oh, I know Didn’t she?"

Thankful for the fact that Mrs. Norrison had called, Bob goes to his room. Everybody knows that when two housewives start gossiping nothing can stop them, especially when one of them is Bertha Norrison.

He locks the door and turns on the computer again - and then turns it off.

So, he's scared, traumatized even.

Sure, he has never had feelings for a girl (with the exception of Miss Lane, but that was in kindergarten) - but he hadn’t paid any attention to boys, either, not before today.

It's kind of odd too, because he's seventeen; maybe he has a belated adolescence or something.

Maybe he read the story because it was well developed and kept reading it because he had never - ever (sad, but true) - read anything porno-ish before.

Maybe if he goes and reads a girl/girl porno thing - which is ‘smocking hot’ as every boy he has known in high school has told him - he’ll be turned on too. Maybe he’ll be so turned on that gay fiction won’t be so attractive anymore.

So he turns on the computer and googles for a good story.

The result ends up being inauspicious; at 1:00 A.M. Robert Bryar jerks off for the first time while Adam and James have wild and dirty sex in his mind.

----10---

The next morning, Bob feels strange.

He looks in the mirror and finds no physical changes but he feels like some one else.

He is gay- and maybe it's just a phase, but right now he feels like more of a flamer than Boy George.

He sighs, stills in his pyjamas. He can’t decide what to wear. Should he start dressing differently now that he's gay? Should he dress the same as always so nobody will find out the truth?

He ends up choosing a Black Sabbath T-shirt and black pants.

After changing, he returns the mirror and stares at his reflection so intensely you'd think he was waiting for its opinion. All that Harry Potter doesn't seem to be doing him much good.

He looks at the clock. It's still early and the computer is practically yelling at him "turn me on and read some good slash."

And who is Bob to disagree?

So Bob goes to "The Scorpion’s Tale" - where this girl (because it seems they're the only ones who write it) post her stories, only to find out that there is no new story.

A little disappointed, Bob clicks to the "How the World Likes to Torture Me" section. He is curious about this person’s life.

Can you believe the fucker? Coach Stewart made me run God knows how many laps! He just told me "Run, Iero. I’ll tell when it is enough." Aghhhh! Just because I’m not one of his brainless clones who loves to kill other students through particularly violent games, he dislikes me. Well, let me tell you that the feeling is quite mutual."

Bob stops dead.

He knows Coach Stewart, he taught in his school and only to boys.

So, this gay story-teller was a boy and went to his same school.

Oh. Dear. God.

Oh, By the way. FUCK YOU VERY MUCH

2006-09-26T02:32:41Z

I have a secret to tell you.

I am in the fucking worst mood today. Since Sathurday... actually.

I don't have idea why I don't go and tell this to the people I actually should say it. And he better hear it from me - I don't want to put other people in the middle, because it's not their fault- but all I do is shut up and pretend I'm ok with this.

So, he had my first two kisses. So he is fed up with relationships... well, hello I had never had one.

And it isn't even that what annoys me. It just, I can wait for him... no problem, until he feels ready but if we are going to stay friends then he shouldn't mess around.

And stare at me as if he is studying me. I don't have a clue about what he wants from me.

Maybe I'm just too stupid to understand but if he doesn't explain me...

I'm going to keep with the whole -student-teacher/ friend-friend thingy because I want to leant how to draw, and I'm to scared to ask something, anything.

If I don't ask, there is no need to answer.

Fair enough.

Call me bitch or brat. And I can't place if I'm angry with him or with myself.